Seriously?!

So let me get this straight……

I get to hold your hand in mine.

I get to tell you it’s going to be okay.

I get to kiss you whenever I want to.

I get to hold you as tight as I want.

I get to cuddle with you.

I get to cry with you.

I get to tell you “I love you” everyday.

I get to teach you life lessons.

I get to pick you up when you fall down.

I get to know what unconditional love is because of you.

I get to hear you tell me you love me back.

I get to watch you grow up.

I get to be proud of you.

Seriously?!

I don’t deserve you! How did I get so blessed?!

 

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Time Stopped, Again

Contractions started at 10:30pm Sunday night. However, not knowing that I was in labor I was actually relaxed and resting despite the frequent waking moments.  I would wake for every contraction but then go back to sleep thinking “well this kinda stinks. No sleep for me.”

I awoke at 6:00am, mid contraction, realizing that the last contraction I had was way to close to the one that I was currently having. I timed the spacing of my next one and they were actually 12mins apart at this time! Matthew came out of the bathroom (he was getting ready for work) and asked if I was Okee. I told him “12 mins”. He said “Okee” and went to get his work clothes on. I texted my midwife Cathy, to let her know that I may be in labor. I told her I was going to take a shower and eat something to see if my contractions would go away. She said “great! We can check you today to see if this is active labor or preterm. Keep me posted!” I thought to myself “I am so in labor………. I think……” We got Samuel up for school and began to get ready. All the while I kept checking times.

Matthew remarked “I shouldn’t go to work today, right?”

I said “probably not, just to be safe. Sorry babe.”

He laughingly said “if we have a baby today there’s nothing to be sorry about..”

I replied “soooo if we don’t have a baby thennnnnnn???”

We both chuckled

Well, 10mins, 6mins, 5mins…… At this point I notified the midwife again.

Matthew said “do you think we should go in?”.

I said “nah I would hate to go in too early”.

Thats when the Midwife text me back  and said “I’ll meet you at the birthing center how soon can you be there?”

I told her “10-15 mins”.

I told Matthew to take Samuel to school and he said “do you really think we should be separating right now?”

I said “yeah it’ll be fine!”

He said “Okee but I don’t like it”.

So he took my SUV to take Samuel to school and I was going to take his manual car to the birthing center. After he left I realized we didn’t remember to put any bags in the car. So having 4 min contractions I loaded the car with two bags and a car seat� And hopped in the car.

Let me tell you, it’s not easy driving a manual while having contractions. I got to the birthing center and Cathy checked me right away.

“Yup! You are 5cm! We are going to have a baby today!!”

I got an IV for the strep and went to my birthing room.

Matthew had no idea that I was actually in labor at this point because he was too busy taking Samuel to school he didn’t see my text. He rushed to the birth center as soon as he read it!

Once everyone got there it was just me in a tub and all of us waiting. So many emotions happen all at one time. I was nervous, without telling Matthew, if I would be able to complete what I had started the way that I wanted to, everyone is sitting around waiting for me and I felt like I was keeping them from important stuff, I want to remain modest through the whole thing, I hope I don’t let myself or anyone else down…… Praying the whole time. Trying to relax through the contractions, Cathy could see that I was tensing up. She walked over and laid a hand on me and said “I’m going to pray for you.”.

“That is the best medicine”, I think to myself.

The presence of God was there the whole time. He was with me and never left me! Like my amazing husband Matthew Goysich, Who was literally right there the whole time!! The contractions grew stronger as they moved closer together. It was endurable knowing that I was doing this for my baby. This was the best way that I have research to bring a baby into the world, the healthiest way for her. If it had been just about me it wouldn’t have been so important. But because it was about someone else, someone more important than myself, I had to do this! I had to try to make the beginning of her life the best I possibly could. Soon I was in transition and right after that came what I can only describe to be “pushing contractions”! These are the ones that even if I wasnt doing anything they , by themselves, were going to make this amazing life decend from this body of mine. They were powerful! Not in a “I’m having a closer connection with God” powerful but more of a “I think I’m going to throw up” powerful! Yet, by Gods grace and with His strength I was still able to continue. He made this all possible! He created me for this and to accomplish this task, medication free! I absolutely can do this! I think I said “I can’t” one hundred times. I wasn’t able to finish what I was trying to say. I wanted to say “I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t talk, I can’t move” but all that came out was “I can’t”. My dad Scott Norman always told me “if your going to do something, do it all the way not half way!” So I could and I did!! She came into this world at 12:30pm weighing 8lbs 5oz and every bit as beautiful as her preceding sibling.

Time stopped, again! Just like it had done before! I was holding my baby girl for the very first time! I was now a mother of two! We were now a family of four! We couldn’t be happier or more delighted to be able to say that! It’s a hard road when you’ve had an ovary removed and when you’ve had a miscarriage and all of the thoughts that plague you. But praying and giving it to God, constantly, like everyday sometimes is the only way to be at peace with whatever happens. Those things were not my fault and I can’t let them scare me into not trying again. I can’t allow Satan to steal what I know God intended for good! God is THE ONLY REASON that I was able to do this and love it!! He truly does care about us and He knows our hearts! So thankful to, grateful for, indebted to, unabashedly In love with my God and Lord!! Thank you to everyone that supported me through this and that was there with me through the whole thing!!

 

As I Lay Here…….

As I lay here I wonder ……

How do I cope with your getting older?

Everyday goes by so fast.

I want to catch one day and save it forever so I can revisit it whenever I need to, because to soon ……

You will be so big I can no longer lift you.

You will be embarrassed of my kisses.

You will have friends of your own choosing and not mine.

You will be able to reach the countertops.

You will not nap beside me.

You will want your space.

You will go off to dances and different schools.

You will learn to drive and be independent.

I will stay behind with your pictures and our memories.

I will be waiting in anticipation to hear the phone ring and hear you say “I’m coming home to visit.”

……….and every time you leave, I will cry.

For I love you and I never want it to happen….. But I know it must.

So, as I lay here with you now, I cherish this moment.

You are my heart and forever will be!